200 Letters Read online

  200 Letters

  By Amy Watkins

  Dedication

  Though this book is not based on a true story, but some of the events in this book were inspired by true events. This book is dedicated to the many people who are unfairly prejudged, imprisoned, enslaved, and condemned. This is for the imperfect Christian who wonders, “Is God still there?”

  “Do not be afraid of what you are about to suffer. I tell you, the devil will put some of you in prison to test you, and you will suffer persecution for ten days. Be faithful, even to the point of death, and I will give you life as your victor's crown.” (Revelation 2:10 NIV)

  “Love never fails…”1 Corinthians 13:8 (NIV)

  Chapter 1 – Ethan

  It was the Spring of 2011 in Northern Virginia when my wife of eleven years approached me and admitted, “I’m in love with another man.” I was hurt, stunned even, but I didn’t want to show any emotion.

  “Well, okay, we know what we need to do,” was my only response.

  Deidra was a beautiful woman. Five foot five with an athletic build, she was of mixed ethnicity—Indian and Jamaican. Deidra was a little sassy and a little sweet, which is what I liked most about her. We had one daughter together, Cierra, who had just turned 5 and was the perfect mixture of us both. Cierra had my almond shaped brown eyes and her mother’s smooth dark chocolate skin. She had my nose and her mother’s smile. She had her mom’s sass and my goofiness. Cierra’s hair was a full mane of loose curls, the perfect mixture of my thick, tight curly hair and her mom’s long, straight dark hair.

  I counted myself lucky to have been married to Deidra all those years, but we had been on rocky ground for the last three. We tried to keep it together for Cierra but we both knew it wasn’t working. We were young when we got married and I was immature. I had an “I’m the man, I don’t have to answer to anyone” attitude. Deidra wanted me to check in and check up on her throughout the day, but I felt like I didn’t need a babysitter and neither did she. So, Deidra sought attention elsewhere. First, she focused on her girlfriends instead of our marriage, which led to more arguments. She cheated on me. I cheated on her. Then she met Tony and they fell in love.

  I tried not to fall apart as I helped her pack up her belongings and moved her and Cierra two states away to live with the man who gave her the affection I had not. The divorce was amicable, so when the papers were all signed, I focused on the bright side. After all, I was back in the game and there were plenty of fish in the sea.

  I worked as a corpsman for the Navy and everyone knows how girls love a guy in uniform. I stood all day at work and hit the gym several days a week, so I had a nice muscular build. I held a management position at the Naval Health Clinic. I had a wide circle of friends and a lot of girls who wanted to be my friend. I was the guy who anyone could go to with a problem and I’d solve it fairly and immediately. I was upbeat, happy, and always joking. I got along with most of my coworkers and I never got myself mixed up in petty drama.

  A few weeks after Deidra left, I was walking the halls of the clinic when I was notified of a new provider. She had recently transferred from another clinic and my chief wanted me to check on her and see if she needed any help getting settled.

  I walked toward the provider’s office when Ty, one of my junior sailors, met me in the hallway. Ty was a good guy who loved to joke around even more so than I did. He had a huge smile on his face when he greeted me.

  “Hey, boss man. Have you met the new doc yet?”

  “I’m on my way to see her now.”

  “She seems cool.”

  “Ok,” I said and walked into her office. I froze the second I saw her. A tall redbone with a pretty smile stood before me. Her long curly hair was pinned up in a bun. Her beauty rendered me speechless. The energy she gave off was inviting. She had an around-the-way-girl type of vibe. When her light brown eyes met mine, I felt warmth and a little flutter in my chest.

  “Hi!” she cheerfully greeted me.

  I choked up a little but managed to pull myself together to respond, “Good morning, my name is HM1 Conner and I’m the manager for this section.”

  “I’m Dr. Wallace and it’s nice to meet you,” she replied, extending her hand.

  I gave her a nice firm handshake, trying to show her that I was a strong secure man.

  “Welcome to the Health Clinic. If there is anything you need, please don’t hesitate to let me know. Do you need anything?” I sputtered.

  She bit her lips to hide her grin. “No, I’m good.”

  “Oh, um, okay. Well, I will stop by and speak with you later when your day slows down so I can make sure everything is going smoothly.”

  I was intrigued by her and my mind raced after I left her office. I wondered who she was and where she came from. I wondered if I sounded corny to her. I wondered if she knew that I was attracted to her. I hoped I made the impression that I was professional and mature. I didn’t want her to think I was some horny little knucklehead.

  Ty stood at the door, smiling at me like he knew what I was thinking.

  “Hey, does this mean you will be stopping by here more often?” he asked jokingly.

  “Um, no. I will be as professional with Dr. Wallace as I am with all the other providers on this team,” I assured him—but he wasn’t buying it.

  “Uh, huh. Sure, you will,” he snickered.

  Later that afternoon, I stopped by just as I told her I would. “Dr. Wallace, how’s everything going so far? Is the staff treating you good? Are you getting settled?”

  She gave a little nod. “So far, so good. No complaints.”

  “Here let me give you my number just in case you need anything later.”

  “Okay,” she gave me her phone so that I could enter my number.

  “And I need your number too. I mean for the clinic…for the roster. You know, in case there’s an emergency, the clinic needs to be able to reach you.” I fumbled my words, hoping she didn’t take my asking for her number the wrong way. I really did need it for the clinic and I didn’t want her to feel awkward.

  She didn’t bat an eye. She called my phone, “There, now you have my number too.”

  We talked a little about work before we parted ways. She was nice. She smiled a lot. She laughed at my corny jokes. I sensed there was a connection, but I did not want to assume anything.

  Every day for the next couple of weeks, I made sure to take a detour so that I passed by Dr. Wallace’s office. Ty caught on quickly. Whenever he saw me coming, he would smile and give me a hard time.

  “What you up to HM1?” Ty asked.

  “Nothing. Just making my rounds.”

  “Mmm, hmm. Don’t remember your rounds being three trips down this hallway every day. I might not be the smartest man, but I believe you are taking a liking to my doctor,” he said sarcastically.

  “Listen here, little man. I like to get to know my staff members and I like to check on them and make sure they are okay.”

  Ty didn’t buy it; he kept up the wisecracks. “Oh really, so that’s why you keep coming by? You check on Dr. Gray and Dr. Weinstein like that, as well?” Drs. Gray and Weinstein were both middle aged male doctors and he knew I didn’t check on them as much as I did Dr. Wallace.

  “Mind your business, this here’s for grown folks,” I replied.

  I tried to hide my enthusiasm from Ty, but I was enjoying my conversations with Dr. Wallace. I could tell she was a beautiful woman, inside and out. Our brief conversations left me wanting to know more about her.

  One day, she was walking down the hallway ahead of me and I couldn’t help but stare at her plump ass in that khaki uniform. I thought she was gorgeous and thought of how good we would look together. I was mesmerized by
the sway in her hips. I imagined palming them in my hands as I made love to her. She looked back at me and caught me staring. I tried to play it off by looking away. She giggled.

  I wanted her bad, but I had to snap out of it. The reality was I was enlisted and she was an officer. It was against Navy policy for us to date. I had to talk myself out of pursuing her, “Come on, Ethan. Don’t risk your career, or hers. You are a professional. Continue to be professional.”

  What’s more, I wasn’t sure if Dr Wallace was single. I asked Ty but he wasn’t sure either. He did know that she had just broken up with the father of her child and she was a little sour on men. Pursuing her was out of the question but I couldn’t stop thinking about being with her.

  I tried to play it cool. I limited how many times I stopped by her office. I kept the conversations we did have light. Occasionally, I’d get a little personal, but not too personal. Sometimes I’d drop a hint that I was single and thought she was beautiful. I wanted to see if she’d take the bait and maybe even try to pursue me—she never did. I’m not sure if she saw through my game or not; but I ran with it.

  On top of that, Ty was always cock-blocking. I stopped by one day and he stood outside her door with his arms folded. I tried to push past him and go into her office.

  “Step aside, young blood. I’m tryna see my girl.”

  He laughed, “Your girl? Not today, partna!”

  “Ty, why you drinking hatorade?”

  “What you talking ‘bout? We have work to do today. No socializing. Plus, MY doctor is having a bad day.”

  “She may be your doctor but she’s MY future wife. Just give me a few minutes with her, I’ll cheer her up.” I joked as I pushed past him. Ty just shook his head and grinned.

  “Hi, Dr. Wallace, how goes it?” I asked.

  “Not bad. Just busy, like always,”

  “Well, hopefully your day gets better. Don’t let the bull get you down. Remember, I’m here for you if you need.”

  She smiled, but I could tell she was stressed. She was not as bubbly as usual. I really wanted to stay and cheer her up with my goofy lines, but I knew she had work to do. Providers at the clinic stayed busy. I made a mental note to stop by and check on her later. I wanted to make sure she was okay.

  “See, I told ya,” Ty snarked when I left.

  “Don’t worry. I will check on her later and work my magic.” I responded, doing a little goofy dance.

  “What magic, old man?”

  “Oh, I’m an old man, huh? Well, watch your mouth and respect your elders, then” I chuckled while walking away.

  Later that day I stopped by her office, but she was gone.

  “Damn, you again,” Ty said while laughing. “She left early today so you are out of luck, light bright.”

  “First of all, I’m a mocha-choca-latte complexion. And secondly, she forgot to stop by to let me know she was leaving early like she usually does,” I said jokingly.

  “Come on man, you know she’s out of your league.”

  I shook my head. “Mark my words, she will be my woman before you know it. All I need is to take her out on one date and she will fall in love.”

  Ty began to laugh hysterically, but I was serious. I played it off by laughing with him as I walked away, but in my head, I was thinking of ways to make her mine.

  A week later, I decided I was going to take a step out on faith. I planned to walk into her office and ask her out for coffee. I had to rehearse my lines because I didn’t want to seem crazy or pushy. I had to think of ways to get around it if she brought up our differences in rank. “Oh, no. What, you thought I meant on a date? Nah, I was just tryna see if you wanted to go out as friends,” is what I thought of saying if she refused my advance.

  I got a haircut the evening before. My uniform was freshly pressed, and I splashed on my favorite cologne.

  As I walked up to her office, Ty was walking out. “Hey, what are you doing here?” he asked.

  “I’m here to ask your doctor out,” I said smiling.

  He laughed as if I was playing, but after a few seconds he realized I was serious.

  “You serious?” he asked.

  “Hell yeah!” I said. “It’s time for me to make a move. Now or never.”

  “Well, I don’t think that’s a good idea now,” he shook his head.

  “What do you mean?” I asked curiously.

  “Just not a good idea. You feel me?” Ty cautioned.

  I realized I was missing something and should heed Ty’s advice. There could have been several reasons for Ty’s warning, but the one that popped in my head was she must be dating someone else. I knew I wasn’t the only one who wanted her. She was a remarkable woman and probably had suitors more successful than I. Then again, she had been hurt before. I’m sure there were some wolves in sheep’s clothing after her as well. Maybe Ty was just trying to protect her.

  “Look, Ty, here me out. I’m really just trying to ask her out for coffee. You know? Just a little friendly outing.”

  “You’re too late,” he said. “She is dating someone. I don’t know if it’s anything serious, to be honest, but she in there talking to him right now.”

  “Thanks for the heads up and I appreciate you looking out.” I replied, feeling defeated. Walking away, I wondered if that was my sign to stay away. I wasn’t sure, but I decided to back off and focus on my career.

  I was disappointed by the missed opportunity with Dr. Wallace, but it was cool. I wasn’t really looking for a serious relationship. However, my feelings changed when I met Tony.

  I was picking Cierra up from Deidra’s house and there he was—this tall, muscular, brown, smooth brother with a baritone voice. Until that moment I had thought I was over Deidra, but I realized I was not the minute I laid eyes on him. I was even more devastated when I saw a large diamond ring on Deidra’s finger. It was twice the size of the ring I had bought for her. She seemed happy, so I faked like I was happy for her. In actuality, I wanted her to feel the pain I felt.

  After that, I was on the prowl. I wanted someone sexy, sassy, freaky, and high maintenance; someone who would make Deidra cringe with jealousy when they met. And It didn’t take me long to find the perfect woman for the job.

  Tracy was a medical assistant who also worked at the clinic. Short and curvy, she was cute, sweet, and sassy. Her mom was White and her dad Black, so she had a beautiful light complexion with freckles on her nose and cheeks. Her eyes were green and she had long brown hair with loose curls. She was always styling and profiling. Her make up, hair, and nails were always done. She always wore designer clothes. She was sexy, stylish, and cool. She wasn’t cool like Dr. Wallace, but she was gorgeous. When she started flirting with me, I thought it was in my best interest to flirt back. We started dating and were soon fucking.

  Even though I was seeing Tracy, things were not official with us, so I continued to stop by and speak with Dr. Wallace. We talked about everything from work to politics to religion. A friendship developed. She would sometimes talk about this guy Terrell that she was dating, and I’d sometimes talk about Tracy. We respected each other and we were comfortable enough to be open and honest about everything. Well, almost everything. I still wanted Dr. Wallace. I kept that little secret from her, but we were honest about everything else.

  Then, one day when we were talking about the drama at work, I had a bold moment.

  “Could you ever see yourself with a guy like me; I mean, if the situation was different?” I asked.

  She nodded. “Yes, I could date a guy like you. We have a lot in common and get along well. The discussions we have about politics, religion, and family values are intriguing.” She peered at me through lowered lashes. “You’re intriguing.”

  I liked that answer and I slipped, saying what I was thinking out loud. “Damn, where have you been all my life?” I smiled and laughed, trying to play it off like it was a joke; but I really meant it.

  “Probably somewh
ere with the wrong guy,” she said, but she wasn’t smiling. She was hurting like she was reliving memories of men in the past who had done her wrong. I wanted to kiss her and hold her and show her that I could be a good man to her, but I was dating Tracy and Dr. Wallace was with Terrell.

  Chapter 2 – Angela

  “Who the fuck left this paper on the stairs?!” Terrell yelled as soon as he walked through the front door. “David!” he bellowed. I don’t know where my husband went that evening, but I sure knew when he got home. Every day with Terrell was always something. If he wasn’t yelling at me, he was yelling at the kids. If he wasn’t yelling at someone, he sat in a dark room in the basement, not talking to anyone.

  For five years, I endured my husband’s mood swings. I had fallen out of love with him long ago. but I hung onto our marriage, praying and hoping God would change Terrell’s heart. After each fight, Terrell claimed he was a changed man who would do any and everything to be a better for me and our kids. But it never failed, after about two weeks he would be back to the angry man I had come to know.

  David, my oldest son, Terrell’s stepson, got bullied the most. David was a very easy-going thirteen-year-old. He kept to himself and never caused trouble. He didn’t make a lot of noise, didn’t get upset easily, and forgave almost as much as I did. Despite his calm nature, or maybe because of it, Terrell loved to use David as a scapegoat. Last week, Terrell was mad at David for picking up some papers that were not his. Now, he was mad that he did not move this piece of paper off the stairs, even though it was not his. No one could win when Terrell was on a rampage. It didn’t matter what we did.

  “Terrell!” I interrupted, “It’s eleven o’clock at night. David is sleeping. He has school and I have work tomorrow. Please, go to bed.”

  Me and Terrell hadn’t slept in the same bed since the first year of our marriage. It wasn’t that I didn’t want to sleep with my husband—I longed to, but he viewed holding me at night as a chore and an inconvenience. So, he’d stay up all night in the basement watching tv and smoking weed while I slept in the master bedroom.